


I'm Not Good With People...

by thunderingskies



Series: When colours mix [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Explicit Sexual Content, Haikyuu!! Teachers AU, M/M, Platonic Romance, Sexual Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:58:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[On indefinite hiatus]</p><p>Lev is annoying.</p><p>He's loud, he talks too much; he's clumsy and always getting in everyone's way. He's clingy, sometimes immature, and exactly the kind of person who isn't scared away by Kenma's defenses.</p><p>Slowly but surely, the blonde finds himself interested in Lev. Curious about him. Curious about what they could be to each other. Feelings that he'd thought were impossible for him to feel are all surfacing, and Kenma doesn't know what to do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kenma sighed, shaking his head. He watched his friends bouncing around and having fun – and honestly, he was too. Even if he wasn’t as open or crazy about it, he wasn’t jumping around or dancing, he still was enjoying himself.

He felt lucky to have the friends that he did – and the fact that they understood that he was not always the most social or loud of people was a blessing. It was nice to not have to awkwardly decline an invite to participate in something he had no interest in. They knew his limits and it worked.

He looked to his right, where Sugawara was sitting and animatedly telling a story. Sawamura was laughing beside him, the two pressed together tightly as per usual. Ever since he had known them, they were Daichi and Suga. Some days they were like awkward parents, other days they were like horny teenagers, but whatever they did, they did together.

If he was being honest (which he more often than not wasn’t), Kenma did want that for himself. The intimacy, not the sex. Sex really just didn’t interest him. He’d tried, a few times, and then a few times more in an effort to appease his partner, but he just didn’t feel any desire or enjoyment out of it.

“ _Kenma!_ ” Lev called as he bounded over. His long, gangly limbs got caught underneath him and he stumbled, collapsing on the couch next to Kenma with a loud huff. How was someone who participated in sports so well so completely ungraceful? It was partly in due to the alcohol, but, who cared at that point.

“Hey, Lev,” he responded quietly, not minding when Lev used his shoulder to sit himself up and help get balanced.

“Kenmaaaaaa!” he repeated, a wild grin on his face. He didn’t drink a lot but when he did he was an extremely silly drunk. Kenma couldn’t help but chuckle at watching him.

“Lev,” he repeated, smirk still in place.

“I’m tired.” Lev yawned and stretched, his long limbs high above his head and nearly whacking Nishinoya who was walking behind him. The shorter scolded him and Lev laughed sheepishly, apologizing.

“Me, too.” Kenma sighed. He was used to staying up late, but socializing was exhausting for him.

“Wanna walk back together?” He asked, perking up like a puppy dog. He may have said he was tired, but he sure looked fine.

“Sure,” Kenma nodded, standing up from the couch.

It was quieter now – most had left, or were in the process of leaving, so Kenma stuffed his phone in his pocket as he headed to the door, stepping into his shoes.

They said their goodbyes, which were always much more dramatic than they needed to be, and finally Kenma was exposed to the crisp night air. He headed down the pathway, shivering when he realized he’d left his coat back in Sawamura and Sugawara’s house.

He turned to head back as Lev finally caught up to him, padding down the steps with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Oh, Kenma, are you cold? You can wear my jacket. I’ve got a sweater, too.” He outstretched his hand where he was holding his coat.

Kenma decided that maybe he didn’t really need his jacket. Not today, anyway.

So he nodded slowly, accepting the offering. Lev’s jacket was soft, a simple black button-up. It was obviously way too long for Kenma but he threw it around his shoulders anyway, burying himself into the warm material. It smelled like Lev, which was oddly comforting in its own way.

“Tonight was super fun!” Lev bounded and Kenma just nodded alongside him. They didn’t live too far away from Sugawara and Sawamura’s, so their walk wouldn’t be too long, “It’s nice to get everyone together like that. We should do it more often.”

Kenma nodded again, muttering a soft “yeah”.

They walked in silence for the rest of the walk, which was surprising. Every time that Kenma looked over at Lev, he was staring pointedly at his feet. It was weird, but Kenma didn’t want to shatter this easy atmosphere that had enveloped them, so he let it go.

“Well, looks like we’re here.” Lev sighed, stopping in front of Kenma’s building. His was just a block away. He leaned back against the building, looking up at the sky. “Kenma?”

“Yeah?” Kenma looked up at him curiously.

“I…” Lev looked away, “I wanna do something. And if, uh, you don’t wanna do it, can you promise me things won’t get weird?”

Now Kenma paled. “Ummm…”

“I swear it’s nothing weird!” Lev jumped quickly and waved his hands in front of his face. “It’s just. Um. I like you.”

Now Kenma took a step back and blushed. _What_?

“What?” He asked, voicing his thoughts.

“Um yeah. There it is. I like you. I would like to kiss you? But most of the time you seem to be annoyed by me so I’ll understand if you don’t want that too.”

“ _What?"_  Kenma repeated, staring at Lev incredulously.

“Aw man are you really gonna make me say it again?” Lev blushed, he fucking _blushed_ and Kenma was still standing there staring like a complete idiot.

“Lev, you know I’m… right?”

“You mean asexual? Yeah. So?” Lev tilted his head to the side. “That doesn’t mean you can’t like people, right?”

“Well, no, it doesn’t-“

“Then I don’t see how it’s relevant…” Lev looked away, “Like I said just tell me if it’s a no and we can forget all this-“

“No.” Kenma paused and Lev’s face visibly fell. “Oh, um, shit, wait. I mean no, it isn’t a no. Not no. Yes. Yes!”

“Yes?” Lev looked at him hopefully.

“Yeah… I mean… as long as you are okay with… you know…”

“I don’t care, Kenma. You’re still you.”

Kenma blushed, completely frozen. He was taken off guard by Lev, as he somehow always was. How did he manage to tear down each of his defenses so easily? The taller grinned, leaning down and forward slowly.

“So I can?”

Kenma nodded.

He closed his eyes, too embarrassed to say anything, as he felt Lev kiss him. It was small – nothing spectacular or particularly passionate – but it was nice, and sweet. He pulled away and offered Kenma a sheepish smile.

“So… uh… can I come up?” Lev smiled at him hopefully. Kenma stared at him until he added, “I’m a great cuddler, you know.”

Kenma nodded slowly. “Alright. That sounds good.”

* * *

 

As it turned out, Lev was telling the truth. 

Once they'd made it up to Kenma's apartment, Lev had taken the liberty of looking around on his own. Kenma didn't stop him; he really didn't care, just hanging up his keys, taking off his shoes and making his way to the bedroom. He contemplated hanging out in his living room, but his couch was small and there was no way Lev was going to get comfortable on there.

"Just... give me a minute," Kenma said quietly to Lev, who nodded. The taller man busied himself poking through Kenma's  _extensive_ game collection while Kenma headed into his room, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

It all crashed down on him there.

Lev was here. In his  _apartment_.

They'd kissed.

He bit his lip, mind racing as he tried to figure out what excuse he could offer that Lev would buy to play this off. Would he believe Kenma was sick? No, he was not a good actor. Would he believe Kenma had a temporary lapse of sanity? Maybe. It was likely. 

Kenma's mind was racing as Lev called from the living room, "Kenma! Wanna watch a movie?"

He took a deep breath, remembering that he hadn't agreed to anything. Lev wasn't going to force him to do anything he wasn't ready to do. He quickly stripped out of his clothes, choosing a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a plain grey t-shirt. He came out of his bedroom, nodding.

"Sure, pick something and we'll watch in my room."

"I-In your room?" Lev stuttered, red in the face.

"Do you really think we can both fit on this couch?"

Lev looked over at the couch, then shook his head. "No."

"Well, then. Pick."

Lev turned, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. He selected a title - comedy, by the looks of it - and headed over to Kenma. "This okay?"

"Sure," he said, not looking at the title. It didn't matter anyway. He turned, leading him back to his bedroom. 

Kenma wasn't big on decorating, so his room was organized very simply. Some photos were propped up on his desk, but other than that it was mostly bare. Lev took a quick look around before turning to Kenma, who had popped the DVD into his player. The blonde lifted the covers, sliding underneath them quickly. He turned his face so to hide his blush.

"Well, are you coming?"

"Um, right." Lev chucked a bit before settling on to the bed, leaving a little bit of distance between him and Kenma. They shuffled, getting comfortable, as the movie began to play.

The further along it got, the closer they shuffled together. 

Until Kenma gathered his courage, and pressed his back against Lev's chest. The taller sucked in a breath as Kenma rested his head against his chest, curling comfortably into his embrace. Lev's arms wound their way around him, hooking around his stomach.

_Okay,_ Kenma thought as he closed his eyes.  _This isn't so bad_.

_In fact... it's pretty nice._


	2. Chapter 2

As the days bore into weeks, Kenma found that Lev being around just became... normal. 

He often joined him on his walks home from work, chatting to Kenma about his day. He would complain when Kuroo piled more work on his plate instead of doing it himself, would gush over that really cool game Iwaizumi had showed him to try with his classes. He talked animatedly, unbothered when Kenma's replies were hardly more than a few words.

Somehow, he just seemed to know that he was listening. That he was taking it all in, offering remarks when appropriate, chatting  _much_  more than he did with anyone else. Even Kuroo.

Lev would come over and just sit with Kenma, not speaking while they corrected work their students had given them.

They'd bounce ideas off each other for lesson plans, they'd discuss Oikawa's newest obsession (which, as of late, was watching craft tutorials on YouTube. Not that he ever really tried any of them out.) Kenma would rope him into joining a gaming session with him and Iwaizumi, even though Lev had precision and always forgot which buttons did what. Lev would occasionally convince Kenma to join him for a walk, or on an even  _more rare_  occasion, a jog. Usually it ended with Lev promising to be Kenma's pillow for an hour or two while he tried out a new game on his 3DS, but Lev sure didn't seem to mind. 

And that was enough.

Kenma sighed, thumbs working quickly over the keyboard on his phone. He was stuck on his level on his game, and was determined to finish it before he got to Lev's.

Hanging out with him was becoming a very common occurrence. Every other day one of the two was at the other's apartment, binge-watching  _Dexter_  on Netflix or finally getting Lev caught up on  _Game of Thrones_. It was a Saturday, but the weather was awful so they had both decided they'd just work on their own work at their respective places in order to actually get work done.

The blonde was early - way early - he wasn't supposed to be over for another hour, but since he'd finished his work much faster than expected he decided just to come now. If he sat down and got comfortable, it would be that much harder to leave later on. So he'd grabbed a few movies and decided it was worth the risk to battle the rain and walk over. He thumbed over a few options on his phone as he headed up the stairs, remembering exactly which apartment was Lev's.

As he got closer, he contemplated sending Lev a text to let him know he was coming. He probably should have done it earlier, but, whatever. He pulled up their chat and was about to type in a message when he heard-

 _Lev_.

That was definitely Lev.

Kenma's ears perked up as he was about five paces from Lev's door now and he could definitely hear him.

Panting, moaning -

Wait, what was that?

" _Kenma_ ," the voice that definitely belonged to Lev  _moaned_  in a tone of voice Kenma had never heard before.

He froze, everything finally clicking into place. Lev was jacking off. 

Lev was jacking off while thinking about  _him_.

He didn't know what to feel - confused, angry, disgusted? Lev knew he wasn't into sex, and yet-

None of those emotions accurately described what he was feeling.

He contemplated leaving, walking away and pretending that this hadn't happened, but then Lev let out another soft sound and he couldn't. He  _wanted_  to hear more.

It was intoxicating, in a way. 

So he stayed, and listened. He listened to his breathing become heavier and faster, coming out in short pants. Listened to him groan, and Kenma could  _imagine_ what Lev might look like right now. His long legs spread, his head tilted back and eyes screwed shut...

Kenma nearly jumped when Lev shouted before his breathing tapered off, evening out. He could only imagine that he'd finally reached his climax.

And Kenma realized that he wouldn't be opposed to kissing him right now, or even five minutes ago really. He wonders what it would feel like for Lev to do that to him.

Suddenly  _very, very embarassed_  over what he'd just witnessed, Kenma turned around and high-tailed it out of that apartment building. 

* * *

 

"What the hell am I doing?" Kenma wondered aloud, shaking his head. 

He'd run like a coward from Lev's place, purposefully shoving his phone in his pocket for now. He didn't know why he felt so ashamed - it wasn't like Lev was doing anything particularly dirty. He had needs, he  _liked_  sex. He was dealing with Kenma's desire to not have sex in his own way, which the blonde supposed he should be thankful for. 

He wasn't aroused from listening to Lev - not in a way that he knew was typical, anyway. Yet he could find himself wondering if maybe it might feel different with Lev. He had accepted him unconditionally - even though Kenma knew he could be annoying and a major handful. He was always on his phone, didn't talk much and refused to go beyond kissing. Maybe it might feel different.

But, maybe it wouldn't, and he'd completely ruin this whole thing he had going on with Lev. He was never the gambling type. That was Kuroo's thing.

Kuroo... somehow, Kenma had ended up at Kuroo's place. It was just like when they were kids and Kenma would run away from home whenever his parents fought, seeking refuge in his best friend's house. Only now they were adults, and Kenma figured he should be able to handle this by himself... but he couldn't.

Not daring to touch his phone in case Lev had texted him, Kenma knocked at the door and waited. There was no movement inside so Kenma figured they weren't home and headed to leave -

"Wait, hang on, I'm coming!" It was Kuroo's sleep-addled voice, and his bedhead came into view when he threw the door open. 

"Oh, Kenma. Hey, what's up?" He asked, rubbing an eye. He was still wearing his pyjamas despite the fact that it was one in the afternoon.

"Umm... not much. You?"

Kuroo looked at him curiously but didn't press - yet. "I was napping. Triple K went out for lunch, but I wasn't feeling good."

"Oh, sorry, if you're sick, I'll go-"

"No, come in."

So he did. 

He sat down on Kuroo's couch and wondered how on earth he was supposed to bring this up. He needed advice from the one person he trusted most. They chatted briefly - about many things and yet nothing - dancing pointedly around the topic of Lev,

"So... I kind of wanted to ask you something." Kenma looked down at his hands, which were wringing together.

"Does this have something to do with the fact that you haven't checked your phone once in the thirty minutes you've been here?"

He froze, caught red handed. "Yeah."

"Is it Lev? Did he try to-"

"No, he didn't do anything." Kenma sighed. "He's been great. Perfect."

"I don't get the problem then." Kuroo scratched at his head, his hair wildly pointing in every direction.

"Well, I... Um. I walked to his apartment today. I was early, right? He wasn't expecting me for an hour."

"Okay..." Kuroo sat back and waited for his friend to finish.

"Um, I got up to his door and I... I'm pretty sure I heard him jacking off? And, like, saying my name. And stuff."

"Pretty sure?"

"No, I'm definitely sure."

"Alright..." Kuroo paused, seemingly considering how to approach this. "And did that make you uncomfortable? That he was thinking of you."

"Not exactly..." Kenma looked away, unable to keep eye contact. "It was... sort of interesting."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I... Stayed and listened... Until he... finished."

"Oh ho ho?"

" _Yes,_ " Kenma groaned. "I don't know, I was thinking that... I wouldn't hate it? If we were to... try it."

"You want to have sex with Lev?"

"I don't know!" Kenma buried his face in his hands. "I have been so sure I'm been asexual for so long. Every memory of sex is... not fun. This is all really confusing."

“Sexual identity isn’t so black and white, you know? Yeah, so, you tried it a few times and didn’t like it. That doesn’t mean that it was the sex that was wrong – it could have been the people. I mean, you know Koushi is demi, and he’s not sexually attracted to anyone other than Daichi.”

“Kuroo, it’s not like you to get so serious…”

“Yeah, well, I just gotta say… if you’re thinking about this, and finding that you want to try again? I think that already speaks volumes. I remember how much you hated it before, Kenma.”

“But what if we try it and I don’t like it? I don’t want him to get mad.”

“So? Isn’t it worth the possibility of you trying it and enjoying it?”

Kenma sighed, looking away.

“Besides, Lev looks at you like a puppy – I doubt that would turn him away. He loves you, Kenma.”

Kenma blushed, nodding. “Yeah… I think so, too.”

“…and you love him too.”

“Kuroo!”

“What? You do.”

"We're not saying that yet. It's way too soon." Kenma scoffed, but Kuroo just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, you know that I don't believe that. I knew I loved Keiji and Koutarou the moment I saw them."

"That's you, Kuroo. Not me."

"Just think about it, okay?"

Kenma nodded.

How could he do anything  _but_  think about it?

The only thing he could do was talk to Lev about it. But as he soon discovered, it was one thing to talk with Kuroo about it - another thing entirely to actually bring it up to Lev.

* * *

 

Kenma thought about it when they went out for dinner after work. Lev ordered a cheeseburger - which were his favourite, Kenma had learned - and stole french fries off of Kenma's plate when he thought that he wasn't looking. 

He thought about it at work, between classes, when he should have been preparing but spent all of his time  _thinking_ , wondering how Lev would react. He knew that he'd probably be thrilled about the prospect of sex - but would he stay if it wasn't any good? If Kenma decided that wasn't what he wanted?

He even thought about it while gaming with Iwaizumi who managed to drag it out of him after Kenma messed up for the sixth time, accidentally killing a member of their team when he couldn't concentrate. Iwaizumi offered little advice - he didn't pretend to understand Kenma's situation - but it was nice, just to get to talk to him about how he was feeling, discuss out his options.

As favourable as it seemed to tell Lev, to  _try_ , he was scared.

No - terrified was a better word.

 _Everyone_ had been pushed away in the past because he tried and didn't like it.

Nobody had been able to handle it.

Nobody made him feel the way Lev did, but still - that didn't guarantee anything.

Kenma was nothing if not an expert worrier, an expert over-analyzer.

And boy, did he  _overanalyze._

He considered every possibility, every possible outcome until his head hurt and he crawled into bed. It was fruitless though, as he couldn't sleep with all these thoughts swimming around in his head.

Should he do it?

Or should he not?

Was the risk worth the possible reward?

Or was it easier to stay where he was?

Where it was comfortable and safe.

There was a possibility of everything getting better, but, there was also the possibility of it all ending.

* * *

 

A week later and he still hadn’t brought it up.

He was a coward. There were no two ways around it. But, as a coward, he could continue to enjoy Lev’s soft kisses, his hugs and his cuddles.

But he was an adult, and an adult confronted their problems. Or at least that was what he told himself.

They lay in Kenma’s bed – as per usual – some cheesy film blaring on the television. Lev’s long fingers were slowly running down Kenma’s sides with feather-light touches. They were pressed together, Kenma’s back against Lev’s front.

Lev’s hands trailed a little lower than usual, his thumbs brushing against his thighs _very_ close to a sensitive area and Kenma shivered involuntarily.

Realizing what he’d done, Lev drew his hand away as if he’d touched fire. “Shit, fuck – ah – Kenma, I’m so sorry-“

“No… it’s okay,” Kenma said slowly, face turning bright pink. “I didn’t… hate it…”

“You didn’t?” Lev just looked confused more than anything.

“No.” Kenma fidgeted, wishing that in this moment he had his phone to flip through or _something_ to occupy his hands. “Actually, um… there’s something that I wanted to talk with you about…”

“Anything,” Lev said honestly, pulling both hands back to rest at his sides.

Kenma took a deep breath, extremely glad that he wasn’t looking at Lev’s face.

“I… Um… well, the other day, when I said I’d fallen asleep and that was why I didn’t come over?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied.”

“Oh,” Lev said quietly, his voice sounding as disappointed as he was sure his face looked.

“I came to see you early.”

“You… did? Why didn’t you come in?”

“Just… give me a minute to finish. Promise me you won’t say anything until I’m done.”

Lev paused, but nodded. “Okay.”

“I heard you… jacking off. I heard you saying my name while you did it. But… but I didn’t hate it. I kinda thought to myself that I wouldn’t mind kissing you right then. That… I wanted to see what you looked like then. I… I can’t promise that I’m going to like it and want to do it again, but I wanna try.”

Lev was uncharacteristically silent. “You want to try?”

“Yeah,” Kenma affirmed, nodding his head. He squeezed his hands into fists, realizing just how hard he was shaking.

“You mean sex, right?”

“What else, idiot?” Kenma huffed, about to pull away from Lev before the taller man’s arms wrapped around his middle, squeezing him tightly.

“Can we now?”

Kenma nodded, closing his eyes to try and will himself to relax. Lev’s hands on him were gentle, as they ran across his stomach and up his sides. He laced their fingers together and a shiver ran down the blonde’s spine when his boyfriend pressed a kiss against his neck.

“What do you want me to do, Kenma?” Lev asked quietly, nervously. He didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, was scared of doing anything more than what Kenma wanted. He peppered kisses on Kenma’s neck, hands slipping under his shirt to grasp at his hips.

“Touch me,” Kenma said slowly. He was shaking from nerves, he felt way more nervous than he ever had trying sex before. He briefly wondered why, but then Lev was turning him in his embrace.

Their foreheads pressed together, Kenma got himself comfortable sitting face-to-face to Lev. The taller’s long legs were splayed out on the bed and Kenma raised his own legs, knees up, to circle around Lev’s waist.

“Don’t be nervous. Tell me if you don’t like it, okay?” Lev said gently, bringing their lips together for a kiss.

Okay, a kiss – this he could do. He pressed his lips against Lev’s, his hands resting on his thighs. They’d kissed loads of times.

But never like _this_?!

Lev’s lips pressed against his with _need_ , his tongue slipping out to play against Kenma’s. Kenma’s mouth was warm and inviting and he swiped his tongue along his teeth, feeling and familiarizing himself with everything. It was comfortable, it was _nice_ and Kenma found himself enjoying it.

Kenma relaxed, Lev’s strong hands on his back, holding him up. He let his body press against Lev’s, seeking his warmth. It was _intimate,_ Kenma discovered, in a way sex had never been before – it felt like he could taste Lev’s soul, share their feelings with their bodies connected.

Warm hands slid across his front, fingers dipping below the waistband of his track pants. Kenma froze, inhaling sharply. But then Lev’s lips pressed against his again, so warm and comforting and he was filled with such raw affection that it didn’t even scare him when Lev slipped a hand under his track pants, cupping his dick over his briefs.

Kenma trembled, hands gripping tightly to the fabric of Lev’s shirt. With their lips still pressed together Kenma withdrew from the kiss, panting into his mouth as Lev ran his fingers up and down his dick.

It felt _good_ , strangely so, and Kenma learned that he _liked_ the feeling of heat pooling in his belly. Before when he’d been with someone, it felt foreign and unwanted; his body acting independent of his brain. Like he couldn’t control himself, couldn’t control his feelings and desires. His mind raced back to previous times having sex – even though he cared for the people he was with, it felt wrong.

Now, with Lev, it felt _right_.

His long fingers curled and Kenma twitched, straining against the material of his pants.

“Kenma, can I suck you off?”

Not trusting his own voice Kenma nodded. He looked up to meet Lev’s eyes who was looking at him with such a look of arousal and desire, of _lust_ , yet also of affection and awe. He felt special to be the one to make Kenma feel like this, and it showed on his face.

Kenma stared, jaw slack as Lev pulled on his track pants, sliding them down his ass along with his briefs. He looked up at Kenma, who nodded, and he pulled them the rest of the way off. His eyes wide, he looked down at Kenma appreciatively. His hands ran up his thighs, taking in every inch, every supple dip of his skin and pressing gentle kisses against each of his freckles.

The blonde just watched, twitching in anticipation as Lev got closer and closer to his dick. It was already red and swollen, an emotional response for him just as much as a physical one. He swirled his thumb around the tip, spreading the drop of pre-cum that had already leaked from him. He pumped it once, lazily, before lowering down to press kisses against it.

Kenma’s eyes squeezed shut and his toes _curled_ , dick throbbing as Lev played with him. He ran his tongue along the length of it, swirling around the tip. He sucked and nibbled along it before finally, _finally_ , bringing it into his mouth.

Being inside of Lev like this was hot and tight and so much different than Kenma had expected. He _keened_ , he fucking keened, back arching as Lev took him in deeper, head bobbing up and down. Green eyes watched as he panted, hands fisting in the sheets of his bed. His legs twitched, knees rising as he couldn’t keep himself still any longer.

“ _Lev_ ,” he panted quietly, biting his lip. God, it felt good, it felt _so good_ , so incredible and incredibly different from what he had remembered. His head slammed back against the headboard and his hips thrust up blindly and he _came_ , vision whiting out as he babbled incoherently, moans and groans and whimpers of Lev’s name.

When Kenma finally stopped shaking, coming down from his high, he panted heavily. He finally opened his eyes which took a moment to adjust to the light in the room.

Lev pulled back, licking his lips with a sigh. Kenma just watched him, eyes half-lidded and he felt _exhausted_. He’d been carrying this weight, this worry, for so long. It felt like such a relief to finally get it off his chest.

“Do you want me to…?” Kenma asked, blinking as he tried to figure out what the right way to respond to this situation was.

“No, no, just relax. This isn’t about me. It’s about you.” Lev smiled and Kenma probably would have swooned were he not already lying down. He rested his head back, letting out a long breath. He had no idea how long it was before Lev returned and tucked him into the bed under the blankets, pulling their bodies together, warm and snug. "Goodnight, Kenma," Lev whispered as he kissed the top of his head.

But Kenma was already asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly, Kenma’s eyes opened.
> 
> And he remembered what had happened with Lev.
> 
> What Lev had done to him.
> 
> That, most mortifying of all, he had liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to theraven4597 for the insight on this chapter!

 Kenma woke up slowly in the morning, stretching out his arms and legs. He yawned, blinking awake, shivering from the cold air blowing in through the open window.

The first thing that he noticed was that there was a lot more room in bed than he expected. Usually Lev, with his insanely long arms and legs would be sprawled out like a starfish on his bed, leaving him to curl up against his side and burrow himself against his chest to get comfortable on the bed.

Now, though, he was noticeably colder and there was no Lev in bed.

He opened an eye, sleepily glancing around the room for some sign of-

There was a note left on the bed side table. Kenma fumbled for it, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

_Left for my appointment! Hope you had a good sleep._

He punctuated the note with a lot of smiley faces and hearts, which made Kenma groan but also made his heart jump a little bit.

He lay back in bed, snuggling up under the blankets. The blankets that smelled like Lev now, and filled him with warm, positive feelings. But not just that – he felt oddly sated, in a way that he usually didn’t.

Slowly, Kenma’s eyes opened.

And he remembered what had happened with Lev.

What Lev had done to _him_.

That, most mortifying of all, he had _liked it_.

God, this was bad. This was really, really bad.

On a scale of one to awful, this was right up there with accidentally dying his hair green, or leaving the house and forgetting to put on pants.

Kenma’s stomach lurched and he whipped out of bed, feeling like he might vomit. He knew that it was just nerves, but headed to the bathroom anyway just in case.

Running cold water from the sink, the blonde splashed it in his face, mind racing.

What had he _done_?

He had been lucky to find Lev. So god damn lucky. He’d pretty much hit the jackpot – he’d found someone kind, sweet and who was willing to accept the fact that he didn’t want to have sex. He accepted it like it was no big deal, like it was something as easy as Kenma telling him that he didn’t like to eat meat.

He had pretty much deigned himself to a life of monkhood until a few short months ago Lev strolled into his life and provided him with the warmest, most comfortable hugs and cuddles on Earth.

And he had to go and ruin it. He found the perfect guy and then he went and had sex with him. Worst of all, Kenma had _initiated_ it. Lev hadn’t pressured him into anything.

The cold water from the sink wasn’t proving to be enough – Kenma still felt somewhere between faint and nauseous – so he turned to the shower, turning the water on. He let it run for a few seconds, stripping out of his clothes. He didn’t want it shockingly cold, so he kept it somewhere at lukewarm. Sticking a hand under the water, he was satisfied with the temperature and stepped in.

Immediately it shocked him – even just lukewarm was _cold_. It dulled his nerves, for a time, allowing his brain to slow down and process. He let out a long breath, grabbing a bar of soap to furiously clean himself to distract from the thoughts crawling through his brain.

_What if he wants it all the time now? What if he wants more than what I can give him?_

Sure, last night had been good, but what if it was a fluke? It could have just been his body reacting really weirdly, for whatever reason. It could have been a once in a blue moon sort of thing, or maybe his body was playing tricks on him. He really had no clue what was going on with his own body, which in of itself was a scary thing.

_Can I say no now that I’ve said yes once? What if I don’t like it next time? Will he be mad?_

Kenma stopped, realizing he hadn’t reciprocated. He’d done nothing – and god, what if he tried and he was _bad_ at it? Would Lev leave if he couldn’t give him a proper blowjob, or god, what if he wanted to have penetrative sex – the thought of that alone scared the hell out of Kenma-

His phone went off on the bathroom counter and Kenma screeched, his entire body on overdrive as he was trying to process what was happening. There was no _way_ he could even look at his phone right now, so he just scrubbed harder, closing his eyes and trying to block out the noise-

And it was gone, thank god.

He rinsed, moving to his hair, which he attacked with a lot more vigor than usual. His fingers dug into his scalp sharply as he worked in the shampoo as if desperate to clean every inch of himself.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember more details about last night. He had been so tired – was Lev mad when he came to bed? Mad that Kenma had done nothing? No… he didn’t remember him being mad. He seemed… content. Kenma remembered him coming into bed and pulling him into a cuddle, just like they always did. He had kissed his head and mumbled good night like usual. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary there.

Except the fact that Kenma had just had the best (well, not that he had a lot to compare to, but still) orgasm of his life and was still coming down from the high of it.

But that wasn’t huge, right?

No. Not huge at all.

Only _incredibly monstrous_.

When he started shivering from the cold water, Kenma figured that was enough. He turned the water off, wrung out his hair and stepped out of the shower. He had to fiddle around a bit for a towel, using it to rub his body more or less dry, then running through his hair a few times. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to drip water everywhere, he emerged from the bathroom, back to his bedroom.

He couldn’t even _look_ at his phone – what if it had been Lev?

 

He needed some help.

He grumbled, stumbling into a pair of oversized dark green sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He ran a brush through his hair as he sat down at his desk, turning on his computer. He tapped his foot impatiently as it loaded up.

That damn breeze from the window was giving him shivers again, so he stumbled over to shut the window. He grabbed his slippers while he was up – a ridiculous pair of cat slippers that Kuroo had gotten him ages ago, but they were comfortable and nobody had to know how much he really loved them.

His computer finally turned on and so he logged into Skype, which he mainly used to keep in contact with everyone he met through his various gaming accounts. It was easier to message there – and even voice chat, on rare occasions when he’d participate in a game of D&D.

He’s online at an odd time (he is rarely on in the morning, exclusively gaming at night) and so he’s not at all surprised to see only one of his contacts is online. He clicks on it anyway, happy to see that it’s Fukunaga. He’s always level-headed, and Kenma is sure to get some help from him.

He clicks on his icon, just typing in a typical greeting to see if he was actually at his computer.

His quick reply told him that he was.

**Kenma:** hey

**Fukunaga:** hey Kenma

**Fukunaga:** what’s up?

Not really one for small talk, Kenma got right to the point.

**Kenma:** I think I might have made a huge mistake with my bf

**Fukunaga:** what happened?

Kenma paused, completely unsure how to breach the topic. Did he just come right out and say it? Was typing ‘my boyfriend sucked my dick’ normal? He’d never talked about sex so he had absolutely no idea how much was socially acceptable. People who liked sex talked about it all the time, right? And not awkwardly?

He’d have to ask Iwaizumi sometime. He was not giving Kuroo the satisfaction of answering that question and Iwaizumi would tell him straight up.

**Kenma:** we had sex

He quickly keept typing, realizing how he would probably take that.

**Kenma:** I instigated it

**Kenma:** and I’m freaking out that I’ve ruined everything, because what if its not the same? What if he wants sex every day?? What if I stop liking it??? I don’t know what to do about him anymore

**Fukunaga:** how did you feel about it while you were doing it?

**Kenma:** it was good

**Kenma:** I liked it, I think

**Fukunaga:**  you think?

**Kenma:** no, I definitely did. It didn’t feel like when I’d had sex before. It didn’t feel wrong.

**Fukunaga:** do you want to do it again?

**Kenma:** idk

**Kenma:** maybe?

**Kenma:** what if it’s awful this time and I hate it and he hates me for getting his hopes up

**Kenma:** we were perfectly happy and I had to go and ruin it

**Fukunaga:** I highly doubt you’ve ruined anything

**Fukunaga:** it sounds to me like this guy likes you for you.

**Fukunaga:** when you’ve stopped totally freaking out, talk to him.

**Kenma:** talk?? What do I say?

**Fukunaga:** just be honest

**Kenma:** ‘last night was nice but idk if I want to do it again? Idk if I’ll like it again? Please don’t be mad at me if I don’t know how to reciprocate?’

**Fukunaga:** yeah, just… try not to be so… idk, so vague.

**Kenma:** I’m way out of my depth here, fukunaga.

**Fukunaga:** [Attached Image]

Kenma clicked the image, chuckling when he realized he’d been sent a cake emoji.

**Kenma:** at least I still have my cake

**Fukunaga:** exactly

**Fukunaga:** wanna run a campaign to get your mind off things?

**Kenma:** yeah, I do

Kenma checked the time on the corner of his computer screen – he still had hours before when he agreed to meet Iwaizumi for video games.

So he loaded up his game, clicking to log in to his favourite character.

-

Kenma was avoiding Lev.

Talking about having a conversation with him and being honest was great and all – in theory.

In practice? It was so much easier to hide out at Iwaizumi’s apartment and focus on their Insanity playthrough of _Halo 5._

He left his phone, untouched, in the pocket of his jacket.

Iwaizumi must have noticed something was off, but he didn’t pry, for which Kenma was grateful.

He was in a real bind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lev pressed the call button, putting the phone to his ear. Maybe he’d slept in?
> 
> He listened to the phone ring once… twice… three times… four times… five…
> 
> And then it kicked him to voicemail.
> 
> “What the hell?” Lev shook his head, righteously confused. Two conflicting thoughts were swimming around in his head: One, was Kenma okay? And two… did he do something wrong?
> 
> Lev looked up as the bus pulled in to the stop.
> 
> “Oh, fuck.”

“So that’s it?” Lev sighed, looking up at his doctor, who nodded in response. He looked down at his hand, squeezing his fingers and palm tightly into a fist, biting back the words that he really wanted to say. He knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“I’ll book you another appointment in two months and we’ll check in then.”

“Okay,” Lev responded, getting up and leaving the office without another word.

Lev hated doctor’s offices. He knew it was silly and he felt childish about it, but he couldn’t help the way that his skin crawled every time that he had to walk in to one. Everything was so off-putting; the way that the office was always chilled with too much air conditioning. The way that everything smelled so strongly of sanitizer. The way that the receptionists always stared at him like they were judging him and the reason why he was there. The fact that there was _always_ at least one screaming child in the waiting room.

He briefly wished for a moment that he’d woken Kenma up for some more courage this morning, but he hadn’t been able to. Waking up next to him was just too sweet; and he knew that if he woke up Kenma that there was nothing that would pry him out of that bed, and he’d chicken out of visiting his doctor _again_. Kenma had no idea about all of this, and frankly, Lev wasn’t exactly eager to talk about it.

Thinking of Kenma, Lev pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked towards the bus stop, scrolling through. It had been about three hours since he’d left - it was nearly noon now – and no message from Kenma.

 _Weird_ , Lev mused to himself, opening up their chat to type in a message.

 **Lev:** hey Kenma, I hope you slept well! :) I just finished… are you hungry? I could bring you something to eat.

Lev pocketed his phone, waiting for the bus. Of course, he was just a _minute_ too late to catch it and now had to wait an entire fifteen minutes for the next bus.

_Well, whatever, I can use that time to talk with Kenma._

Lev pulled out his phone again, checking for a reply.

The message was still lit up signaling that Kenma hadn’t even read it. Now _that_ was weird. It was past the time that he’d usually be awake and the blonde was practically attached to his phone.

Lev pressed the call button, putting the phone to his ear. Maybe he’d slept in?

He listened to the phone ring once… twice… three times… four times… five…

And then it kicked him to voicemail.

“What the hell?” Lev shook his head, righteously confused. Two conflicting thoughts were swimming around in his head: One, was Kenma okay? And two… did he do something wrong?

Lev looked up as the bus pulled in to the stop.

“Oh, _fuck_.” He barely managed to stumble to his feet, ignoring the glares he got at using the curse in public from an older woman. He walked right to the back of the bus, dropping his weight down unceremoniously.

Had he been… too pushy?

Oh _god_ , did Kenma not like it? Had he just been too afraid to say anything? Lev knew he wasn’t exactly an expert with blowjobs, but, he’d never received any complaints before…

The bus hit a big bump and Lev bounced in his seat, smacking his head on the top of the bus.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he swore again, earning another glare from that old lady who was now sitting a few seats in front of him. He grumbled a “sorry” but was now frantically opening up his phone, praying for some sort of response.

And nothing was waiting for him.

He was officially freaking out, because he knew that if Kenma wanted to avoid him there was very little he could do to change his mind. The blonde was nothing if not stubborn and Lev was left feeling like he’d done something wrong.

 _Kenma wanted this_ , he reminded himself. _He asked for this._

That did very little to calm his mind, however.

He thought back to the night before.

Kenma had brought up the possibility of them having sex. Lev had honestly just been confused at first. He’d willingly accepted a life of celibacy, becoming far more intimate with his hand than he’d anticipated to be with Kenma, who told him he didn’t like sex. That was okay – what he liked most about Kenma had nothing to do with sex, and he could live without it.

But then Kenma wanted to _try_.

God, that made his heart swell up so much. To hear how much that Kenma trusted him made him realize just how crazy he was for the blonde. He’d been eager to please him, of course. He wanted him, so badly, in each and every way imaginable.

Maybe, he was thinking, that was too much for Kenma to handle.

He grabbed his phone, contemplating calling Kenma again, but… he knew he wouldn’t answer.

So as his bus pulled up to his apartment, Lev walked out of the bus and dialed another contact. He pressed the phone to his ear, unlocking his apartment door.

“Hey, Lev!” Yaku answered quickly, his voice even. “What’s up?”

Yaku and Lev had been good friends for a long time – since high school, even. He’d been one of the few able to taper Lev’s wild personality, and despite the fact that they were polar opposites, they’d remained friends ever since – even though they currently didn’t live anywhere near each other.

“I might have fucked up really bad, Mori.” He sighed, rubbing his temples.

“Wanna Skype?” Yaku asked, letting out a soft breath.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Thanks, Yaku.”

“Someone has to take care of you, right?” Yaku laughed.

Lev entered his apartment, dropping down his things. He noted how empty it felt without Kenma here, sighing to himself as he opened up his computer.

-

Lev was determined to talk to Kenma.

After talking things out with Yaku, he’d decided that it would probably be a good idea to give him a day to calm down. He didn’t want to overwhelm him any more than necessary, so storming over to his house and demanding to talk to him would _probably_ be a bad idea.

So he forced himself to relax. He got a text from Iwaizumi, thankfully, telling him that Kenma was alright. That helped to ease his worries a little bit. It was just enough so that he was able to eat and force himself to sleep for about six hours that evening.

He had to keep his phone in his bag to keep himself from texting Kenma all throughout the evening.

Lev woke up the next morning, feeling fresh and determined. He wasn’t going to let Kenma hide forever – he had to tell him how much he cared about him, how he was sorry if he’d pushed or pressured unknowingly. Yeah, the sex was really fun, but when it came down to it, Lev would easily go back to the way they were before. He just didn’t want to lose Kenma.

He got dressed in a hurry, not caring that his socks didn’t match and hopped on his bike that he rode to school every day.

He said his hello’s to everyone, happy that Kuroo was treating him like normal. He figured that if he’d really messed up and hurt Kenma that Kuroo would be pretty well on his way to dropping him in a shallow grave by now.

He’d arrived a bit later than usual so he had to go straight into teaching, which was pretty much torture as he waited his break where he could go and talk to Kenma. He _might_ have changed his lesson plan at the last minute to include some videos because he was just too stressed to really deal with this.

At lunch, he hurriedly went to the staff room to try and find Kenma.

He wasn’t there, so he headed to his classroom…

Only to find that there was a substitute in that day because he’d called in sick.

Alright, then.

Lev sighed to himself, trying to call Kenma on his lunch break and after work to no avail.

He called him a total of three times that evening, every single one of them being ignored.

He was starting to get very frustrated.

The next day at work Kenma showed up but was apparently pretty set on avoiding Lev. With a school as big as theirs Lev had no idea where to look – he checked his common haunts (Kuroo and Iwaizumi’s offices) with no luck. The staff room was empty.

He would have never thought to check Oikawa’s room, where Kenma had decided to hide out during lunch. Oikawa didn’t seem to mind and was actually quite polite in giving him some space, but Kenma still felt insanely guilty for dodging Lev.

Kenma dodged Lev for an _entire three days_ and Lev was just about ready to bust down Kenma’s door in order to get to talk to him.

Unfortunately, Lev knew that Kenma wouldn’t be home as he _tried that_ on the second evening, so Lev just sulked off to his apartment that evening.

-

Iwaizumi turned, looking at Kenma who was curled up on his couch, 3DS lit up in front of his face.

Kenma had been coming to visit him pretty much every day after work for at least a few hours so far this week – thankfully things had been busy at work, or Oikawa would definitely be complaining – but he was starting to feel like it was time to intervene. He wasn’t a bother, of course, but Iwaizumi knew that Kenma was avoiding Lev.

They’d talked about it, and Kenma had opened up to him about his concerns but he still was too afraid to talk to Lev. Iwaizumi understood, of course, as best as he could, what Kenma was facing.

But… well, he was a proprietor of tough love here.

“Kenma,” Iwaizumi began, sitting down on the chair next to the couch.

Kenma paused his game, looking backwards up at Iwaizumi. “Hm?”

“You can’t hide from him forever, you know.” Iwaizumi sighed, turning his gaze over to Kenma. “He’s going crazy. Apparently today all he made his last class do was run laps for forty-five minutes because he was so worked up.”

Kenma hummed, nervously fidgeting with his handheld.

“Kenma, what are you so afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen here?” So far Iwaizumi had not pushed Kenma. He’d let him confide details to him piece by piece as he was ready. So far all he’d learned was that they’d been intimate, that Kenma liked it and now he was afraid of seeing Lev. Iwaizumi wasn’t going to pretend to understand what Kenma was going through, but he hoped that with a better understanding he could at least be a better support for him.

Kenma sat up, huffing. He averted his eyes, trying to put his own thoughts into words. He was grateful that Iwaizumi didn’t rush him; his friend gave him time, the silence not awkward as Kenma tried to sort out the best way to word this. “I guess… there are two things that could happen that would be bad…”

“And they are?”

“Well… one would be if… if now he expects it all the time, and I can’t give that… and he decides to break up with me for being… wishy-washy…”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, nodding slowly. “Okay. And the second?”

“Umm… well… he’s okay with me only wanting to… sometimes? And? I’m bad at it.”

Iwaizumi stared at him.

A long silence enveloped them, and then-

He smiled?

“You’re worried you might be bad at it?” He was still smiling, as if amused, but his tone was not patronizing at all. It was clear that he was just confirming for clarity.

Kenma nodded, slowly, to which Iwaizumi looked relieved.

“That’s pretty normal,” he affirmed. “I mean, the only way to ever really get confident is through practice, right? It’s just like playing a video game. Initially, you might be naturally good or your might not be. The only way to rid yourself of that feeling is to try.” He paused, searching Kenma’s face. “Do you want to try again?”

“Not… right now, but I’d eventually like to… I think… maybe.”

Iwaizumi chuckled. “Lev’s got himself in for quite a ride, hasn’t he?”

Kenma couldn’t help but break out in a smile. Not only had Iwaizumi made him feel more relaxed about this and _normal_ he’d used a video game analogy to explain sex. Only he could pull that off without sounding absolutely ridiculous.

It was a pretty big relief, though; to hear that even people who weren’t asexual felt like this. It made his feelings feel more relatable, in a way, and made it easier to keep talking about it with Iwaizumi.

Kenma let out a big sigh. “I have to call him, don’t I?”

“That would be best,” Iwaizumi nodded. “I mean, I like having you here and all, but I’m kind of worried what’s going to happen if he keeps working his students like pack mules.”

And so he did.

Kenma gathered his stuff and turned on his phone, making the walk back to his apartment barefoot. He felt eternally grateful now that he just lived down the hall from Iwaizumi.

His finger ghosted over the screen when Lev’s name popped up and, slowly, he hit the call button.

It rang once, twice, three times… Kenma felt his heart flop as it rang a forth time and was about to kick him to voicemail-

“Hello?” Lev’s voice blared into his ear, causing him to wince and lower the volume. “Kenma?”

Kenma slowly nodded, swallowing. He realized after a beat that Lev couldn’t actually _see him_. “Hey, it’s me.”

“Are…how…um….” Lev let out a breathy chuckle, “It’s… good to hear from you…”

Kenma frowned; Lev was being much quieter and much more distant than usual. “Listen, um. Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Lev cleared his throat. “Want me to come over?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

-

The fact that Lev was there in under ten minutes betrayed just how nervous he was. As soon as he knocked, Kenma froze. He’d been going over scenarios in his head, wondering what Lev was going to do when they saw each other. Was he going to be mad? He sounded a little bit mad. What was he going to say?

Kenma counted to five before opening up the door, slowly, unsure of what he was going to find on the other side of the door.

What he was greeted with was a very relieved-looking Lev.

“Kenma!” He shouted, sweeping right away into Kenma’s personal space and pulling him into a tight hug. Kenma wheezed, caught off guard; this caused Lev to pull away in fear of having done something wrong but Kenma quickly wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him back into the hug.

“Hey, Lev.”

Lev inhaled, squeezing him hard. “Oh my god I was so worried you were mad, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do-“

“It’s okay,” Kenma breathed in the smell of Lev, burying himself against his long body. “It’s okay. Come on in.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Um, have a seat,” Kenma had said softly, bringing Lev over to the couch. With a nod and some mumbling, Lev sat, eyes trained on Kenma. His hand twitched like he wanted to move it, to grab on to Kenma – like he was afraid that he was going to run away again - but he stayed still.
> 
> Kenma bit his lip; Lev’s facial expression told him that he had a million questions to ask.
> 
> But Kenma had no idea where to even start.

Kenma sighed, running his hands through his hair – which he definitely needed to trim, he noted, as it was longer than he would have liked. His fingers got caught on a knot and he tugged on it until the strands came free. It hurt, but, it was a decent enough distraction from the conversation with Lev that he was not looking forward to having.

He had dragged Lev into his apartment; that part was easy. Lev had followed him, clinging to him and mumbling incoherently with his face buried against Kenma’s chest. It was a little awkward, considering how much taller he was than Kenma, but he didn’t seem too bothered by how much he was bending over to do it.

“Um, have a seat,” Kenma had said softly, bringing Lev over to the couch. With a nod and some mumbling, Lev sat, eyes trained on Kenma. His hand twitched like he wanted to move it, to grab on to Kenma – like he was afraid that he was going to run away again - but he stayed still.

Kenma bit his lip; Lev’s facial expression told him that he had a million questions to ask.

But Kenma had no idea where to even start.

“Lev…” He said, taking a seat on the couch next to him. He played with his hands in his lap, trying to make eye contact. But it was _hard_. His instincts told him to look away and get this over with – but at the same time, he didn’t _want_ to do that. He wanted to try, for Lev. He deserved better than what Kenma had been giving to him. He felt guilty for dodging him the way that he had been and desperately wanted to fix it.

So he looked up and their eyes locked. Swallowing, he steeled his nerves and began. “I’m… I’m really sorry, Lev.”

The expression on Lev’s face softened and he nodded slowly but didn’t say anything yet.

“I… I shouldn’t have dodged you, and I’m really sorry about that. I was just scared.” Kenma brought his legs up on the couch, hugging his knees. He took in a deep breath and then let it out; it was surprisingly easy to open up to Lev.

“Scared?” Lev questioned from next to him, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “What were you scared of, Kenma?”

Kenma picked at his nails, contemplating how to word it. “I guess… everything? Me… you… us…”

That didn’t seem to clarify anything for Lev, who looked even more confused than before.

“I was scared of… me…. Not being good enough; not being able to give you what you want. What we did… us-it’s such new territory, and I don’t really know what I’m doing if I’m being honest.” He chewed on one of his fingernails nervously. “I just felt…really… inexperienced.”

“ _Oh_.” A look of understanding washed over Lev’s face. He was about to respond but thought better of it, shaking his head and saying, “Um, keep going. I’m listening.”

With a nod, Kenma continued. “I was scared of you… Wanting more from me than I can give to you. I don’t know if what we did changes anything. I liked it, yeah, but I don’t know if I’m going to want to do it again. Or… often, which I get is what you probably want.”

Lev made a face but bit his tongue and waited.

“And, um… the last thing is just… us. I’m scared of how much I care about you. I’m scared because I feel like there’s no way you’re gonna want to deal with me when I’m too afraid to even come and talk to you.” Kenma let out a big breath, closing his eyes. “That’s everything. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Silence enveloped them; Kenma squeezed his knees tighter to his body. He fought the urge to fidget, instead looking up to meet Lev’s eye.

Lev, who looked… conflicted.

“Lev?” Kenma asked, after a few more minutes of silence.

Lev sighed. “Kenma, I… Fuck, you ignoring me really hurt, you know? I was sure I’d done something wrong, pushed you too hard… and… and... all I wanna do now is hug you, but I feel like I should be mad?” He let out a frustrated groan.

Kenma looked at him curiously as he continued. “I can’t promise I’m gonna be perfect all the time, Kenma, but… I didn’t care about the sex before and I don’t now. It was great, yeah, and like… _I_ still think about sex but that’s me and I can deal with that. I care about _you_ more. I just… I just need to know if you trust me or not.”

He paused, so Kenma picked that up as his cue to continue but Lev started talking again first. “Just… can you promise not to do that again? If there’s something wrong just talk to me, okay? I can promise you that I’ll be honest with you, and that if you ever don’t wanna do something it’s okay to say no alright?”

Silence as Kenma absorbed what Lev had said. For some reason, through it all, despite considering all the different ways that Lev could possibly react – anger, sadness, frustration – for some reason this understanding did not cross Kenma’s mind.

Why wasn’t he mad? He deserved to be yelled at, ignored back – not given this gentle treatment.

Kenma nodded, chuckling, as he let his legs slide down and turned to face Lev. “Yeah, I can promise that.”

He wasn’t crying, right?

Definitely not.

There was just something in his eye.

“Hey…” Lev smiled, holding his arms open for Kenma. “Hey, it’s okay. Come here.”

Kenma nodded, sniffling as he crawled into Lev’s lap. He curled right into him, fitting in like the spot was made for him. His fingers twisted in the fabric of Lev’s shirt. He buried his face against his chest and breathed in deeply.

“I’m sorry, too,” Lev said quietly, pressing soft kisses on the top of Kenma’s head. “I shouldn’t have just left in the morning without waking you up. We probably could have talked all this out then if I had…” He let one arm wrap around Kenma, hand resting on his hip, while the other hand ran through his dyed blonde locks.

Kenma swallowed, doing his best to keep himself from crying but he wasn’t really succeeding. He had just been so stressed, and talking to Lev had erased all of that. It was like a weight had been lifted and he could _breathe_ again. Thankfully, with his face pressed against Lev’s chest his quiet sobs were muffled. He curled his legs up, completely fit on to Lev’s lap. His fingers curled into tight fists, holding on to Lev’s shirt for dear life. Lev squeezed him, let him get it all out and continued scratching his head relaxingly.

When he finally felt like he could talk without sobbing Kenma pulled back. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, taking a shaky breath. “You’re really not mad at me…?”

Lev shook his head. “No. I’m not.” He let his fingers trail across Kenma’s jawline gently, green eyes watching. “I know you’re still gonna worry and I can’t stop that, but, just remember how I feel about you. And honestly?” He chuckled, “it was kind of a relief, you know? I know that probably sounds bad, but I mean it like… I thought that _you_ were mad at me. Everything you were feeling… we can work on that. We can figure this out together, right?”

Kenma choked back a sob. “Yeah, yeah. We can.” He reached up, catching Lev’s hand in his. He laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly.

Lev squeezed back, smiling. “Right now, though? You look like you haven’t slept in a week, and I don’t feel much better honestly… wanna go to bed?”

Kenma nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I want that.” Sleeping without Lev there had just resulted in a lot of tossing and turning; he needed his extra-large human-sized cat.

Instead of standing up, Kenma just curled himself up on Lev’s lap and buried his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. Said boyfriend laughed, wrapping his arms around Kenma and picking him up with ease.

He brought him to bed, getting all snuggly once they were under the covers. Kenma relaxed in Lev’s arms, his emotions finally calming as he listened to his steady heart beat.

“We’re gonna be okay, right, Lev?”

Lev hummed. “Yeah, Kenma. Just fine.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead, nose, and then lips before pulling Kenma in against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait for this chapter! For some reason, this chapter was really emotional for me to write, so I really had to take my time with it. I hope that you enjoyed this!
> 
> If you have any thoughts/ideas/prompts for them, please leave them in the comments! With this resolution, I'm not 100% decided what I'm going to do with them next, but I'm certainly not done c:


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma couldn’t help but chuckle - Lev was over twenty-five centimeters taller than him, yet somehow he was completely wrapped around the blonde. Lev was laying flat on his back. One of his arms was up beside his head, falling flat back against the pillow and leaving room for Lev to wiggle his way in there.
> 
> Kenma certainly didn’t mind this reversal of roles.

It was the incessant vibrating on his nightstand that shook Kenma out of his slumber.

He was a pretty deep sleeper - once he was out, there was very few things that could wake him up. He slept through storms, music, and people talking many times.

But after the phone rang for a _fifth_ time, Kenma let out an annoyed grunt and forced his eyes open.

He blinked repeatedly, trying to clear up his blurry, sleepy eyesight. After a few heavy blinks, things started to clear up. It was still pretty dark in the room, but he could tell that it was probably late morning with the way the sunlight was trying to peek through any tiny cracks that his blinds did not cover.

He shifted, trying to roll over, but a heavy weight covering half of his body kept him in place.

Kenma couldn’t help but chuckle - Lev was over twenty-five centimeters taller than him, yet somehow he was completely wrapped around the blonde. Lev was laying flat on his back. One of his arms was up beside his head, falling flat back against the pillow and leaving room for Lev to wiggle his way in there.

Kenma certainly didn’t mind this reversal of roles.

Lev’s hair tickled his nose; his head was completely nuzzled in to Kenma’s neck, tucked under his chin. He was half-laying on Kenma’s chest, one arm tucked in real close to Kenma, the other sprawled out across his body. Lev’s long legs had somehow become tangled with Kenma’s; one was splayed so far out, his foot hung off the bed.

It was nice and distracting, Kenma found, and it relaxed him back into a semi-asleep state. His breathing slowed and his heart beat relaxed, he was just about to fall asleep again-

Until that damn phone rang. _Again_.

Kenma opened his eyes, grumbling. “Lev, move.” He wiggled just enough to slide Lev’s arm off him and worm out from underneath his body; Lev just groaned, rolling over and snuggling back into the blankets.

By this time Kenma was annoyed enough that he wanted to snap at whoever was on the phone. He whipped his hand onto the nightstand, feeling around until he snagged his phone-

But his screen was blank.

It was _Lev’s_ phone that continued to vibrate incessantly.

“Lev,” Kenma urged again, this time a little bit louder. He snagged the offending phone from the nightstand, holding on to it like it was a bomb. “ _Lev_ ,” he said again, rolling over, but he was met with the sight of Lev’s back.

Lev groaned, burying his face into the covers. He must have had some sort of really stupid magical powers, Kenma decided, to be able to sleep through this.

While Kenma was annoyed, it also made his heart twinge a little bit. Lev was obviously exhausted - he hadn’t been sleeping either.

He forced himself to relax after that thought. Their fight was in the past. They’d talked about it and discussed it - they were over it now, Kenma didn’t have to worry about it-

That damned _phone_ started ringing **again** and Kenma just about threw it at Lev’s face.

“Lev! Your phone is ringing!” He said, louder this time, punctuating his words with a sharp nudge to the ribs.

Lev jolted at that; he whipped up, sitting so quickly his vision blurred. “Ah-uh, Kenma? W-What?” He shook his head, rubbing at his eyes. “I-uh, what…” Lev turned, rolling over to where Kenma was holding his ringing phone out.

“Your phone’s ringing, Lev.” Kenma couldn’t hide his smile, though; sleepy Lev was one of his favourite sights. He was cuddlier than normal, calm, features relaxed and loose.

“Oh, shit, sorry.” He plucked the phone from Kenma’s hand, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and pressing on the phone to turn it on. “Hello?” He mumbled, sleepily. He swayed a little, clearly not ready to be up yet.

Kenma took a little pity on him - despite the fact that he had woken him up like that - and  slid forward a little bit, pressing himself up against Lev’s back. His boyfriend was warm, skin hot from being pressed against the bed all night, and Kenma relished in it.

Lev was probably talking into the phone, but Kenma couldn’t be bothered to actually pay attention to what he was saying. Rather, the blonde was far more interested in watching his body respond to what Kenma was doing. His muscles froze momentarily before relaxing at Kenma’s warmth pressed against his back.

Lev’s torso was much longer than Kenma’s; even pressed up right behind him, sitting straight, he was only able to nuzzle his face in between Lev’s shoulder blades.

Slowly, Kenma wormed his hands just under the hem of Lev’s t-shirt. To his pleasure, he found that Lev’s bare skin was even warmer unhindered by the fabric - his hands must have been cold though, as Lev shivered at the touch. He didn’t protest, though, so Kenma allowed himself a little more exploration.

He slid his fingers up Lev’s smooth back, the pads of his fingers feeling the curve of his spine. He felt more than heard Lev’s breathing hitch at him touching a sensitive patch of skin just beside his ribs; chuckling a little, Kenma decided that he wouldn’t torture him with that today. Instead, he slipped his arms around either side of Lev, palms splaying out across Lev’s abdomen.

He let himself relax there, face pressed up against Lev. He didn’t register until the rumble in Lev’s chest stopped with the end of his phone call.

Lev inhaled deeply, almost a little shakily.

Kenma frowned.

“Is everything okay?” Kenma asked, when Lev tossed the phone off the bed; it landed on a pile of clothes safely, and hopefully now on silent.

Lev hesitated for just a moment before nodding. “Yeah, it is. I”m really sorry that woke you up, Kenma…” He looked down, smiling fondly before laying his fingers on top of Kenma’s. “Although I didn’t expect this to come from it…”

“Is it okay?” Kenma asked, realizing he hadn’t asked permission. Well, not that Lev ever really was against cuddling; it was usually Kenma who had to push him off when it just got too hot.

“Yeah. More than okay.” Lev chuckled, squeezing Kenma’s hands. “Mhm, I definitely needed that. Man, I was so damn tired.”

“What time is it even?”

“Ten after eleven, I think?”

Kenma hummed softly, contemplating. He was still nervous, but, he remembered what Lev had told him last night, and what he had told Lev.

He supposed he had to start somewhere, even if that _somewhere_ was just learning to be comfortable around Lev naked.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Kenma said softly, gently tugging himself out of Lev’s embrace. “You can… um, if you want, you can come with me. Since you… you have to shower anyway.”

Well, if that wasn’t the lamest invitation in all of history, Kenma would be surprised.

Luckily for him, though, Lev couldn’t have cared less. The smile that burned his face - knowing that Kenma was trying, and was going out of his comfort zone, for him? It was beautiful, to be honest. “I’d like that. If you’re sure that it’s okay.”

Kenma hummed a reply. “Yeah, I’m sure.” And he was, actually.

He was still scared - scared shitless, in fact - but he knew that he wanted to do something. It might have seemed like something small to most, but to Kenma it was a pretty big deal.

He was happy when Lev turned around, the look on his face showing that he knew just how important this was. Slowly, Lev pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Kenma’s lips. “Want me to wait out here until you get in?”

The blonde nodded. “Yeah, give me five minutes or so, okay?”

Lev smiled, shaking his head in agreement. He pecked Kenma’s lips once, then twice, smirking when Kenma finally got up to head to the bathroom.

Walking into the bathroom, Kenma shut the door behind him and chuckled. His easy demeanor, his laid-back attitude - everything that Lev did just put him at ease.

So even though his heart was racing, Kenma started up the shower. He quickly brushed his teeth and ran a hairbrush through his hair before getting in.

The hot water was helpful in calming his nerves. He took in a few deep breaths, willing himself to relax before working some water into his hair. He was suddenly glad that he had a decent-sized shower; it was definitely large enough for two, with nice tiled flooring and a half-window that provided some light. The window meant that Kenma didn’t have to turn on the lights, which allowed the room to be lit up a little more dimly. He felt a little less on display without the bright bathroom lights beating down on him.

His boyfriend definitely gave him a bit of extra time, but Kenma appreciated that. When the door to the bathroom opened, he felt a little less afraid knowing that it was just Lev.

And when he finally joined him, stepping into the shower after brushing his teeth, it wasn’t nearly as scary as Kenma had thought it would be.

Because it was _Lev_. He trusted Lev.

So when Lev opened the shower door and stepped inside, he let him.

He allowed Lev to step under the stream of water alongside him, laughing when drops of water sprayed Kenma in the face.

He agreed when Lev offered to wash his hair, massaging conditioner into his scalp, sighing when his fingers applied pressure to all the right places.

He let Lev spread soap along his back, returning the favour to Lev as well.

It was… surprisingly not as bad as Kenma had prepared himself for, he found.

It was… well, it was almost easy.

Lev didn’t act any differently just because they had no clothes on. He still asked before touching, liked to kiss the top of Kenma’s head and nuzzle his face into the back of Kenma’s neck (although the latter was certainly more difficult standing up). He still blushed a lot and smiled like he was being given a treat.

It felt like no time before they were both washed up, nice and clean, smelling of Kenma’s soap. Lev rested his chin on the top of Kenma’s head, asking him if it was okay if they just stayed in for a little bit longer, just like that.

Rather than reply right away, he rested his head against Lev’s chest, eyes fluttering closed. The warm water relaxed him, and Lev snaked his arms around Kenma’s shoulders, keeping him upright with ease.

“Yeah,” he replied, letting his own hands rest against Lev’s lower back. “Yeah, this is fine.”

If it was with Lev… Kenma was pretty sure that he could do this.

With the holidays coming up, the next few weeks passed by faster than Kenma had anticipated they would. He and Lev were both busy with work - Lev spent lots of time working with the basketball team, and Kenma had his hands full when he was roped into helping plan some school events.

He was feeling infinitely more relaxed ever since he talked things through with Lev, even if they didn’t get to spend as much time together as they would have liked due to work.

They only had a few more weeks to get through before the holidays, and Kenma could not have been more thrilled. He loved his job, yeah, sure - but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t stressful, and that didn’t mean that he didn’t appreciate vacations. He really did; he liked his time off, and more than that, he was excited at the thought of spending more time with his boyfriend.

They had been moving slow, just like Lev promised. He didn’t push, he only offered or asked when Kenma initiated - it was still terrifying, but Kenma was trying. They hadn’t done much, but Lev was incredibly grateful for any chance he got to cuddle Kenma naked or touch him when he felt curiosity, or wanted to feel close to Lev.

It was tough, but he was working at it. He wasn’t going to let himself be controlled by his fears any longer.

Little by little, piece by piece, he wanted to test things out to figure out what it really was that he liked, and what he was able to do for Lev.

That was the one thing that Kenma hadn’t had the guts to try yet, and he wanted to _so very badly_.

It was just the mind-numbing, paralyzing fear that was holding him back.

Nothing big or anything.

Kenma sighed, happily, at the end of another school week; just two more until break.

He gathered his things quickly. He had no real desire to stay and work any longer, considering that he’d already spent most evenings here working with Akaashi on preparing the holiday-themed events for the school.

He had been going back in forth in his mind all week about how things with Lev were going. He wanted to step out of his comfort zone again, like he had done before. He felt safe with Lev, but still…

He needed a push.

That was how he ended up in Kuroo’s office, perched on his desk, thumbing around on his phone while Kuroo sorted through a mountain of paperwork.

“So, Kenma, are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you all week?” Kuroo looked up, smirking. It was eerie how he knew the blonde so well, and Kenma flinched at the question.

He didn’t respond right away, so Kuroo continued. “Do I really need to start guessing, like when we were kids?” He pursed his lips, rubbing his chin.

When they were young, Kenma was even worse about talking when he was feeling upset. More often than not he would hide, ignore and deny whatever was bothering him until Kuroo finally broke him down. It usually involved ice cream and a _lot_ of bad guesses as to what was wrong. Kenma was never, ever upset about the fact that he would never be able to ride a unicorn, despite how many times Kuroo asked.

“Well,” Kuroo hummed, the corners of his lips tugging up into a grin. “I know you’re probably upset that you’ll never-”

“I want to do something to Lev.” Kenma blurted it out quickly.

He quickly realized how bad that sounded, blushed, and stammered, “I-I mean… I wanna… Try to... Reciprocate… shit, you know what I mean!”

“Oh ho?” Kuroo smirked even harder, if that was possible. “Have a seat, Kenma. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I did not realize how long this update took me! I'm sorry, I was having a lot of difficulty figuring out the direction I wanted to go for these two. I've got some good plans set out now, so, I'm hoping to get on a schedule of updating this every 1-2 weeks, I just need to pick a day!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left comments, I really appreciate them!! ♥♥


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma groaned internally.
> 
> He had known this entire time that going to talk to Kuroo was going to go one of two ways.
> 
> One, his friend was going to give him that smirk, his huge, shit-eating smirk, sit him down and proceed to embarrass the life out of him. There would be way too many sexual innuendos, a handful of puns and a lot of TMI.
> 
> Two, his friend would be serious and give him advice without all of the ridiculousness…
> 
> Oh, wait.
> 
> There was no way in hell that was happening.

Kenma groaned internally.

He had known this entire time that going to talk to Kuroo was going to go one of two ways.

One, his friend was going to give him _that_ smirk, his huge, shit-eating smirk, sit him down and proceed to embarrass the life out of him. There would be way too many sexual innuendos, a handful of puns and a _lot_ of TMI.

Two, his friend would be serious and give him advice without all of the ridiculousness…

Oh, wait.

There was no way in hell _that_ was happening.

So while he had expected Kuroo to respond like this, he still couldn’t keep the blush from heating his cheeks as Kuroo just stared at him from his desk, grinning at him almost comically.

“Well, Kenma?” Kuroo closed his notebook, picking up the rest of his things and dropping them into his backpack. He’d deal with them later - it wasn’t like he got this opportunity every day, after all.

Kenma seriously considered getting up and walking away to find Iwaizumi, but he steeled his resolve. He’d told himself he was going to _do this_ , he was going to talk to Kuroo first because he might be able to give him some uninhibited advice.

So he just sighed, scooching the chair he was sitting in closer to the desk. “You heard me the first time, Kuroo.”

“You want to reciprocate.”

“Yes.”

“With Lev.”

“Who else?” Kenma quipped, narrowing his eyes.

Kuroo just laughed. “Right, okay. So then you liked what you two did?”

He nodded in response. So far, so good - no puns. “Yeah. I mean, it felt good. I want to make Lev feel good, too. He’s been good to me, and I’d like to see him like that.”

“Alright,” Kuroo cleared his throat. “So then now you want to taste his meatstick.”

“Tetsu-”

“You wanna bump uglies.”

“Tetsurou no.”

“Ride the hobby horse-”

“Please stop-”

“Bury the weasel-”

“Tetsu I-”

“Give the dog a bone-”

“I’m gonna hurt you-”

“Pork-”

“I’m leaving now.” Kenma stood up, ready to leave.

Kuroo burst into laughter, “No, no, I’m sorry! Wait wait wait, okay, I just had to get that out of my system.”

Kenma eyed him warily before slowly sitting down.

“So what exactly did you need my advice on?” Kuroo leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms for comfort.

“I… I’ve never really done much of that before.”

He got a hum and a nod in response. “Yeah, so you wanna suck him off?”

“That’s what I’m leaning towards, yeah.”

“Well I can pretty much tell you that you even getting near his dick is gonna make Lev excited.” He chuckled before continuing, “But I think I can probably help a little.”

* * *

The end of the day on a Friday was, generally speaking, a very pleasant time in the staff room at any high school. Kenma’s place of employment was no different.

He headed in there after finishing up his last class to grab his things, walking in on a heated debate between Oikawa and Bokuto.

He didn’t really listen to what the argument was about, until Bokuto turned to him and wailed. “Kenma! You need to be the deciding vote!”

He paused from where he was dropping his lunch bag into his backpack. “Uh, what?”

“We’re trying to decide which bakery in town has the best stuff,” Oikawa supplied with a heavy sigh. “Kou-chan is trying to _insist_ that that it’s _le petit café_ , whereas I am certain that it’s that German bakery in the east end!”

Kenma lifted a brow before realizing that he really shouldn’t have been surprised. “The German one is the only one that consistently has apple pie, so I’d have to say that one.” He zipped up his bag, dropping it down on to one of the empty chairs at the table.

Oikawa cheered and Bokuto grumbled, “Okay, I will admit… their apple pie is fucking delicious.”

“It is,” Tsukishima agreed as he, too, walked in. “C’mon Kou. Tetsu and Keiji are gonna meet us at the car.”

Bokuto nodded and headed out. Oikawa waited, flipping through his phone, thankfully granting Kenma some peace and keeping him from having to enter in conversation just to fill up the silence.

Iwaizumi popped in, to which Oikawa got up. He turned quickly, grinning and tapping his shoulder as he left. “Good luck, Kenma-chan.”

Talking to Iwaizumi had been easy - that was, until the brunet came over and took up residence on Iwaizumi’s couch. He’d offered to leave, upon realizing that they were having a serious conversation, but after telling him bits of what was going on, Kenma was surprised with the tact that Oikawa handled the conversation. He was… actually helpful. Incredibly so, really, giving him thoughts that neither Kuroo nor Iwaizumi would have considered.

Not that he would admit that to him anytime soon; he wasn’t inflating that ego any more than it already was.

Kenma just nodded, watching as the two left. He was alone, which was always something that he found relaxing. Yet, tonight… he was a little bit nervous.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long for Lev, and his boyfriend was up a mere fifteen minutes later. Just long enough for Kenma to thumb around a bit on some apps while he waited.

“Kenma!” Lev grinned as he stepped in. Instead of going and gathering up his stuff, he chose to drape himself over Kenma, dropping into the seat next to him. His long arms easily gathered Kenma up, pulling him in nice and close.

Kenma breathed in; Lev smelled freshly of his body wash, something earthy with just a bit of spices. His hair was a little bit damp when it brushed his cheek; he’d probably taken a shower before coming up, as he often did whenever he had a long, exhausting day.

“Tired?” Kenma asked, trying to shift a little, but Lev had him in a tight grip. He settled instead just for shifting enough to be able to press his face against Lev’s neck and prop his feet up on the chair where he had once been sitting.

“Mhm.” Lev yawned, “morning practice today. Then I had the bright idea to spend the day doing long-distance running.” His hands roamed the expanse of Kenma’s skin, rubbing circles against his thighs.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Lev affirmed. “I think I went like.. I don’t even know, over 5 kilometers today, easily. Probably more, but I didn’t track it.”

Kenma huffed a laugh.

“Don’t worry, I had my phone with me. I logged into your pokemon go account to get you the steps.” Lev nuzzled his cheek, pressing a chaste kiss there. The contact was warm and affectionate.

He had to chuckle at that. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing,” Lev nuzzled the top of his head affectionately, squeezing his body in a tight hug. “You ready to go?”

He hummed. “Yeah, but I can’t carry you.”

Lev huffed. “I can walk.” He paused for a moment. “Probably.” Slowly, he untangled himself from Kenma, and stood up unsteadily. Kenma just watched as he grabbed his bag, tossing his things in it haphazardly, before zipping it up and slinging it over a shoulder. “‘Kay, I’m good.”

With a nod, the blonde stood up and headed out. “My place?” Kenma suggested. His place was smaller, but he had the better collection of games and subscriptions to practically every streaming service. Lev, on the other hand, had more space, typically more food and cable.

“Sure,” Lev nodded, yawning. “Let’s pick up dinner on the way, though. I’m too tired to cook.”

He got just a nod in response; Kenma wasn’t particularly amped about cooking tonight either, so take-out was a good option. Lev chose, and they ended up back at Kenma’s place with some burgers. It wasn’t something Kenma ate a lot, but he enjoyed it, and Lev especially loved them so it was a treat to see him so happy.

The evening began just like any other. The two ate first in the kitchen, where Kenma listened to Lev regale him with stories of what he did during the day. Kenma nodded in response, interjecting when needed, but mostly just listening.

Not that Lev minded, which was nice. Kenma appreciated that.

They spread out the food, taking bites of cheeseburgers and teriyaki burgers. Kenma ate until he was full, and tucked the leftovers away in his fridge. It’d make a good lunch for the next day.

They wound up on the couch, Lev spread out as much as the couch could accommodate. Kenma tucked into his side, happy to flick on the latest show they were streaming on Netflix. It was a science fiction one Oikawa had recommended, and so far Kenma was really enjoying it.

Lev was, as well, but he got a _little_ bit more afraid at the scary parts. Not that Kenma minded having to hold and reassure him, running his fingers through his hair soothingly.

It was getting later, and Kenma was getting nervous. He’d told himself he was going to bring it up today - there was no point in putting it off, other than to make himself even more nervous - but planning to do something and actually doing it were two very different things. He felt his anxiety bubbling, nervousness causing his stomach to flip.

He knew, logically, he didn’t have any reason to be nervous. Lev was clearly interested in him. Lev understood him, and Lev was obviously going to like anything Kenma wanted to do to him. Hell, he could probably just _breathe_ on Lev’s dick and he would be elated.

Still, it was hard to calm his nerves.

So in between an episode, he tried his best to just be casual. “Lev, I wanna give you a blowjob. Can I do that?”

He hadn’t chosen the best moment. Lev had been in the middle of taking a big sip of soda, and he nearly choked on it at hearing those words. He coughed, sputtering, trying to clear his throat. “W-What? Can you repeat that, please?”

Kenma sighed and looked away. It was hard enough the first damn time! “I _said_ that I want to give you a blowjob. Can I do that?”

“I… I, um, I mean, of course you can! But you really want to?” His face lit up with excitement, but also a little bit of confusion. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to! I’m not doing something to do that, right?”

Kenma chuckled a little. “No, you’re fine, Lev. It’s not that I don’t get enjoyment out of it. I guess, if I had to explain it… I just don’t feel the _urge_ like you. I don’t feel like I… _have_ to do it. It still feels good, though, and… I feel close to you doing it. I want to make you feel good, too.”

Lev nodded slowly; he licked his lips, excitement evident on his face. “I’d really like that, Kenma.”

Slowly, he untangled himself from Lev. He bit his lip; nervousness flowed through him, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant. He wasn’t doing something he didn’t want to, and that realization gave him the extra bit of courage that he needed.

He moved slow, and Lev responded in kind; fingers threaded through his blonde hair as he slid in between Lev’s legs, facing him.

He started by leaning in close and pulling Lev in for a kiss; there was no need to rush. They had all the time in the world.

Their lips moved together sweetly and with familiarity; Kenma eased his tongue into Lev’s mouth, licking at his lips and coaxing Lev’s tongue into his mouth. This was something he was confident in; he’d always liked kissing, even if he’d never done it passionately, so he knew that he could do this well.

That much was evident when Lev groaned; Kenma swallowed up the noise, sucking on his tongue after drawing it into his mouth. His hands slid into Lev’s hair, fingertips scorching against Lev’s skin.

Lev nipped at Kenma’s lower lip, prompting a chuckle; Kenma licked his way back into Lev’s mouth, swallowing up the sweet sounds he made in response.

Lev tasted wonderfully addicting; sweet and savoury, something that Kenma could see himself wanting to taste frequently. The thought of having Lev around, being able to lean in and kiss him whenever, at dinner or between episodes of a show on tv-

Yeah, that thought was pretty damn appealing.

Kenma could feel the way Lev began to tense up his muscles. He shifted, pressing his knee against Lev’s groin, finding that he was already quite pleasurably aroused. Lev whined at the contact, but Kenma soothed him by sliding his hands down his back, pressing in on the stiff muscles there.

Lev relaxed, and Kenma pulled back, pressing just a few more kisses to his lips as they parted. He leaned back on his heels, gaze travelling down Lev’s body. He made an observation, noting, “You need to take your pants off.”

Lev nodded, scrambling to do so; he unbuttoned his jeans and tossed them off, not caring as to where they landed. Before working off his boxers, he unzipped his sweater and tossed that off, too.

Kenma just watched; it was interesting, and he liked watching the way that Lev’s muscles moved and flexed with each of his movements. It was entrancing, in a way.

Lev kept his shirt on, so Kenma took the liberty of slipping his hand under the hem of his shirt and sliding it up. He watched the way that Lev’s muscles reacted to his touch, twitching, as he moved his hand further up his abdomen.

Lev was certainly no slouch, that much was for sure. His body was toned and athletic, fit from frequent daily exercise. It was pretty easy to appreciate how hard he worked on it. Kenma just let out a soft hum, his fingers tracing the expanse of Lev’s abdomen. “You look good,” he noted, casually.

Lev, on the other hand, looked about ready to explode. “Kenma, I-ah, it’s, sensitive, there.” He shivered when soft fingertips brush his ribs, then a little higher, before retreating from his body.

“Right,” he nodded, but he filed that information away for safekeeping.

He sat back again to focus on his task; Lev was still partially dressed, but that was alright. Hesitantly, Kenma slid a hand to the waistband of Lev’s boxers, and then, slipped it under.

Lev groaned, eyes closed; that made Kenma feel less nervous instantly. Keeping his touches light, the blonde ran his fingers along the expanse of Lev’s cock, familiarizing himself with its feel. Lev shivered, soft sounds escaping his lips, and Kenma retracted his hand to pull down his boxers just enough.

Finally free, Lev’s cock was hard against his hip, already hard. He whined softly, until Kenma took him back in his hand and gave him a few slow, languid strokes.

Kenma pushed the hem of Lev’s shirt up, exposing his abdomen; he watched as the muscles contracted as he stroked. Pleased at this discovery, Kenma stroked a bit faster, thumb brushing over the head of Lev’s cock where a few drops of precum had already begun to leak out.

Sliding his hand down from Lev’s abdomen to his hips, he tried his best to remember everything that he’d absorbed in the last week or so of information-gathering from Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Oikawa and a few of his online friends that he’d quizzed. He pressed the palm of his hand to Lev’s hips to hold him steady, repositioning down on his knees.

Lev was watching him now, but for some reason, it didn’t make him nervous. His boyfriend was breathing raggedly, face flushed, biting his lip as Kenma slowly gave his dick one long lick.

Kenma wasn’t sure what he was expecting it to taste like, but it doesn’t exactly taste bad. Just… strange.

He licks again, up the underside of his cock, before taking just the tip into his mouth. Lev let out a loud moan and bucked his hips; Kenma was glad for the hand on his hips, holding him steady.

Slowly, he took more and more of Lev in his mouth, encasing him in a tight, wet heat. Lev moaned repeatedly, hands scrambling for purchase on the couch, something to keep him steady and grounded.

He started to bob his head adding extra stimulation by swirling his tongue around Lev’s cock. He was rewarded with whimpers and groans, the flexing of Lev’s muscles underneath Kenma obvious. He wrapped his hand around the base, squeezing what he couldn’t take in his mouth, fingers pressing against him with fervor.

He sucked, mouth gripping Lev tight. His eyes flicked up, taking in the view of Lev looking down at him; face flushed, eyes half-lidded and expression very pleased.

Well, he got to answer his question from before; he very much liked the look of Lev like this.

His boyfriend swallowed thickly, pleasure pooling in the pit of his stomach. “ _Kenma_ ,” he groaned, eyes closing and a soft whine escaping his lips. Fingers tugged at Kenma’s hair, pulling him up; he eased off Lev’s dick, continuing his ministrations with his hands. He allowed Lev to slide his hands to the back of his head and pull him up, pressing their lips together in a needy kiss.

Kenma responded in turn, kissing him back; Lev’s kiss was wet and hot, but Kenma didn’t care. He kept his hand moving, stroking him off, while he used his free hand to support himself on Lev’s shoulders.

It didn’t take long before Lev was crying out, burying his face in the crook of Kenma’s neck and holding on to him tightly. He came all over his abdomen, just barely missing his shirt, shivering and panting, completely overtaken by the pleasure Kenma had given him.

They breathed softly; Kenma let him go, allowing Lev some time to breathe and relax himself before pulling away. He gingerly reached for some tissues, cleaning them off, very much aware of Lev’s eyes on him as he did so.

Once he was finished, Lev wasted no time in pulling Kenma right on his lap; he tucked him in between his body and the couch, snuggling him with everything he had.

Kenma just laughed. “I’m going to guess this means that you liked it.”

Lev hummed, kissing the top of Lev’s head. “What gave it away?” He pressed his nose against Kenma’s neck, breathing in his scent before hugging him tighter.

“Go to sleep, Lev,” he huffed, but couldn’t hide the smile making its way across his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry this is a bit late! I've been so sick, I can barely concentrate on writing at all, and it's Terushima Week, and I am determined to write something for each day! I really wanted to get this one out, and I'm hoping to update BMU tomorrow. Hopefully the fluff and smut makes up for it! ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took such a long time I'm so sorry, I love this pairing still but I've resigned myself to the truth that I probably won't be updating on a strict schedule, just as my inspiration for them comes! Enjoy! :)

The next morning, when Kenma woke up, he was pleasantly surprised to find that he wasn’t in bed alone. This wasn’t like before - that much was obvious - but he couldn’t quite describe how nice it felt to be able to roll over and have Lev right there.

Well… he might have accidentally rolled over in a half-asleep haze and nearly kicked Lev in the gut, but, the cute, heart-warming realization was still there.

Kenma shifted up, resting his head on the pillow, shimmying himself closer to Lev. And wow - for sure a tall, lanky guy, he sure slept just like a cat. He was curled up against Kenma just as much as was physically possible for him; in this case, it meant that he was curled up pretty tightly into a ball. That explained the near-kick incident. He grumbled, inching forward until he was able to press his face into Kenma’s chest. Still contentedly asleep, he was completely oblivious to how hard Kenma was blushing.

He didn’t really know  _ why _ he was blushing so hard. He and Lev cuddled literally all the time. Maybe it was because of the fact that Lev was sleeping, and still, the only thing he wanted to do was be close to Kenma.

It was overwhelming, but in a good way. Kenma felt like he was still working to get out of his comfort zone, but he certainly liked it.

Gingerly, not wanting to wake him, he wrapped an arm around Lev to hold him close. He was rewarded with further snuggling, He let his free hand move through his gray hair; it was a little tangled from having slept on it all night, but it was still pretty nice to feel. Kenma sure didn’t mind it, anyway.

Lev grumbled, blinking slowly. Kenma looked down curiously, halting his movements; he blinked, watching as Lev closed his eyes again. He tucked his head back under Kenma’s chin, sighing softly.

“More sleep,” he muttered, voice heavy and thick with sleep. His long arms snaked around Kenma’s middle, holding him close so that his pillow wouldn’t be taken away. Kenma laughed, so Lev grunted a small “please”.

“It’s the weekend,” Kenma whispered, brushing some hair out of Lev’s face. “We don’t have to go to work.”

Lev let out a relieved sigh. “Thank god.” He peeked open an eye just to throw a cheeky smile up at Kenma, “You like this, right?”

Kenma blinked curiously. “Like what?”

“ _ This _ …” Lev looked down at where they were wrapped up together, then back up at Kenma. “If I were willing to move my hands right now, I’d have made some exaggerated gesture.” Kenma still looked confused so Lev continued, “I mean, the cuddling.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Well, yeah. I do.”

“Good,” Lev mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to Kenma’s chest, “‘cause today I wanna do all stuff that you like.”

“Last night was that good, huh?”

“Better than that.” He chuckled, breathing soft and uneven, as he was still drifting between awake and asleep. “Was it… did you- uh.” Lev paused, contemplatively, before continuing. “What did you...think?” The question came out strained and awkward; it sounded like he was asking about the results of a math test rather than, well, sex.

Kenma snorted. He tried to contain his laughter - he wasn’t one who laughed loud usually, anyway - but he couldn’t. “Lev,” he snickered, body trembling with laughter, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now?”

“Kenma!” Lev pouted, shoving him gently, “Not funny!”

“You’re right. It’s hilarious.”

Lev looked up and their eyes met. Slowly, carefully, he relaxed, at seeing how calm Kenma was. That was reassuring. He rolled his eyes, chuckling; sensing the relaxed atmosphere, he tucked himself back into Kenma’s embrace, nuzzling his face right into his chest.

“Seriously, though. Yeah. Thanks for asking.” Kenma smiled fondly, arms winding back around Lev and squeezing him. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, ruffling his hair. “You don’t need to do anything special for me.”

“I know, it’s not like that. It’s like… hm, well you push yourself out of your comfort zone a lot. I know it’s not really for me - it’s for you, and us, but I still want to acknowledge how much that means to me.”

Kenma shrugged, shoulders moving slowly as he yawned, letting his face fall right into Lev’s hair. 

“‘Cause, I mean, I know how much you probably want to spend the entire day inside playing the new Pokemon, but we could do something else if you don’t want to-”

“No, no. No. That’s good. Let’s do that.”

Lev snorted. “Then we’ll do that.” Kenma started to get up and tried to worm his way out of Lev’s grip, only to be yanked back down and held securely against Lev’s chest. “I mean, later. In the afternoon. Too early to get up.”

Kenma sighed, so Lev tacked on, “I’ll make you some food, too.”

That made him relax. “Okay, I’m in.”

* * *

 

It wasn’t until a full two and a half hours later that they finally made their way out of bed.

Kenma didn’t bother getting dressed; he lazed his way to his living room, plopping himself down on his couch in his pyjamas. His couch was just the perfect size for him to curl up on one of the cushions, pulling one of his throw blankets over his lap as he snuggled in. 

Lev laughed as he walked by, ruffling Kenma’s hair. “What do you want to eat?”

“Whatever you want is fine,” Kenma shrugged, snagging his 3DS from the coffee table and unplugging it from its charger. He flipped it open, checking to make sure it was fully charged. Satisfied, he turned it on.

The fridge door opened and Lev poked his head to yell out. “How about some bacon and eggs?” He padded around the kitchen a little bit more, “We could do sandwiches ‘cause this bread looks good still.”

“Sure,” Kenma nodded, already entranced in his game as the starting sequence booted up.

Lev set to work; he pulled out all of the ingredients that he was going to need. He broke up some eggs in a bowl, stirring them up with a fork, and seasoning them up. He rummaged around the cupboards, finally calling out to Kenma, “Where do you keep your frying pans again?”

“Under the stove,” came the curt reply, quickly followed by a series of button mashing. 

Lev crouched down, opening up the drawer and finding what he was looking for. Kenma had a nice cast-iron skillet that he liked to use, and so he pulled it out, lifting himself up to get started on the food-

But the weight pulled on his already-tender wrist and he flinched back, dropping it right on the floor with a loud  _ clang.  _

His wrist  _ burned _ , fuck,  _ no _ , it was not supposed to happen like this, not this  _ fast- _

“Lev? Everything okay?”

He was supposed to have  _ time,  _ not aggravate it cooking breakfast for fuck’s sake-

“Hey, what hurts?” Kenma was in the kitchen now, steps from Lev; he approached him, cautiously, hand touching his face.

“It’s my wrist,” Lev gritted, shaky fingers curled into tight balls. “I can’t play sports anymore, Kenma.”


End file.
